Doctors Weekend Wainscott,Long Island-1979

our family spent most of our summers at a vacation home in Wainscott Long Island-By 1979- all of us had sought treatment form experienced medical professionals for one reason or another- so it was suggested that we have a doctor's weekend in early July of 1979-the plan was to have each of us invite the doctor of our choice to a three day weekend at our summer home-we were free to choose the doctor of our choice but it was stipulated that the doctor must have rendered service above and beyond the call of duty for many years-Mom hired a limousine to pick each of the doctors up from their various offices and residences in the NY metropolitan area-then the limousine would proceed on to Wainscott- the hope was that the doctors would be collected and on their way by 2pm so as to miss the horrendous weekend traffic- that would only get worse over the years but it was still pretty bad-it was easy for me- i chose Dr Lubart- a psychiatrist i had been with for some time-he was around sixty years old-a short, rotund man-good natured most of the time-and a dedicated professional- dad did the same- his choice was Dr Hoopalowsi-a psychiatrist he had been with for many years-and one who had seen him through some rough times-she was a little younger then Joe Lubart and also praticed in Manhattan- next was our oldest sister louise-she went with her psychiatrist too- a Dr Barisch-a well known and highly respected therapist practicing on the upper east side- he knew Lubart but we assumed this was all for the good-Harold went with Dr Kuyamjian-an Armenian chiropractor living and working in New Jersey-Harold would go a long way to see him so he must have been very good- We all knew that his mother was his receptionist-this did not appear to pose any problem- and just in case- we knew the psychiatrists there would be able to handle any problem that came up - we considered inviting the mother along but rejected the idea at the last minute-Amy invited a PHD- the school superintendent in Bronxvile where we all attended high School- we all protested when we found out but it was to late to do anything about it- and she was rather satisfied that she had met the criteria we had stipulated- it was no use arguing with her-she was fresh out of law school and more then capable of dimissing any objections we had-that left mom who said she would eventually invite someone but wanted more time- we made a small protest but she emphasized that her choice would find their own way out to Long Island-the limousine would not be needed etc- so we went along with it-by 2:30 pm on that friday all the doctors had been picked up and they were on their way-Dr kuyjian was first as he lived the furthest away- there was one problem- as the others were picked up, it seems Dr k had a preference for rather pungent smelling sandwiches-the other doctors were tolerant enough at first- but after he consumed the first it was apparent that he wasn't finished- just when they thought he was finished eating he would take out another sandwhich-by the third one dr Barisch blew up - HOW MANY OF THOSE ARE YOU GOING TO EAT?-DR K PAUSED FOR A MOMENT-LOOKED A LITTLE HURT THEN SPOKE WITH A MOUTHFUL OF SALAMI-'AS MANY AS I DAMN PLEASE!'- THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN OK BUT AS THE WORD PLEASE CAME OUT A SMALL PIECE OF SALAMI WITH MUSTARD ON IT WAS LAUNCHED ON TO DR BARISCH'S LAP- A FASTIDIOUS MAN IF THERE EVER WAS ONE THE REST OF THE TRIP WAS NO DOUBT GOING TO BE AN ORDEAL FOR HIM-the other doctors took it well enough-even chuckled in that avuncular way they often do-Dr Hoopalowski wisely asked a few very earnest questions about Dr k's eating habits- which he seemed to enjoy-so the whole matter had passed by the time they reached the Throggs Neck Bridge-what happened then could have been predicted- the traffic got worse and worse-by the time they reached the long Island Expressway the traffic had slowed to a crawl-there was sighing and a few mumbles at first- but when Dr Hoopalowski insisted on choosing the radio station the others became agitated- it seems that Dr Hoopalowski was fond of punk rock- that was all the rage at the time-she insisted the driver turn the volume up everytime a favorite punk rock song came on-in quick succesion there were songs from THE CLASH- The Police-Devo-and The Talking Heads-the next song was a little catchy-Dr Lubart appeared to enjoy it-and Dr Barisch was tapping his foot- when Dr Hoopalowski noticed this she offered the name of the group-THE SEX PISTIOLS-Drs Barisch and Lubart looked at each other knowingly-and nodded in that way the psychiatrists often do-so there was some leavening of the mood- they were going to the seaside after all-how bad could the traffic get?-when Dr kuyjian suggested a brief stop for restrooms etc - thay all cheerfully agreed-after a short delay they all returned to the car-a little more refreshed-Not long after they turned back on to the LIE- Dr K pulled out an enormous package of REESE'S PIECES-A CANDY MADE OF A COMBINATION OF SOFT CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER- WHILE THEY ARE VERY POPULAR-IT ALSO WELL KNOWN THAT THE SMELL OF THIS CANDY CAN BE RATHER UNPLEASANT AND THE BREATH OF THE EATER EVEN WORSE-Dr K went through the whole bag in about 5 minutes- the other doctors started to squirm- he offered each of them some of the candy and they politely declined but the look of horror on Dr B's face was apparently quite memorable-Lubart went into a spasm of laughter when he saw it -and Dr B never forgave him for it- not then and for the rest of the time they knew each other- one of the frustrating things was Dr k would often appear to be finished with the reese's pieces- he would pop a few in his mouth and neatly fold the bag and put it away- but seconds later the bag would be out again for a few more- this went on the whole five minutes that it took him to consume the whole bag- when he was finished-Dr H closed her eyes and tilted her head upward as if she was praying-the expression on her face showed strain nonetheless.She held this pose for about 3 seconds and then opened her eyes- they darted toward Dr k obviously to see if he had resumed eating- a look of relief came over her but the strain was till there too.The arrival was uneventful. We gathered on the driveway to greet our visitors but it is safe to say that at that point the doctors were not talking to one another and Dr k's breath was awful. We thanked the driver and paid him a nice tip. We showed the doctors their rooms but then unfortunately there commenced an escalating argument over room assignments- we had put Dr L and Dr B together thinking that they were old friends- the look of alarm on Dr B's face when we told him is really unforgetable- it was a look of astonishment with indignation and disdain- as anyone knows this is very difficult to accomplish all in one flash of expression and his face over the years might properly be called neutral or unexpressive. The habits of years of professional detachment had clearly fallen away-i might be mistaken but Dr L seemed to be enjoying this and cracked a big smile saying something like it is just fine with him and he then patted Dr B on the back- much too hard by the way and Dr B shot him a look that made retribution a certainty-he would no doubt find some passive/aggressive way to return measure for measure the slight. We calmed them down promising cocktails on the porch in one hour- we shortened it to one half hour then 15 minutes- we would have offered them a drink right away but that would be breaking every social convention we were raised to observe-as the cocktail hour rolled around each of the doctors ambled their way to the deck where i took their cocktail orders- a round of martinis was the preferred drink- actually when Dr B said a martini please they all nodded vigorously- so martini it is i said- then Dr Hoopalowski said make mine a 'DOUBLE'-and all agreed that theirs should be a double too- we felt that at least some common ground had been established and i hurried to make the martinis- barely splashing each one with vermouth- as the sun went down things seemed to be getting a little more harmonious- we started the fire for the barbecue and brought out some steaks, drumsticks and hamburgers-that is when Dr B said in the direction of dr L- SAY JOE WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT THAT CONFERENCE IN MEXICO -IT WAS ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO WASN'T IT?- IS IT TRUE THAT YOUR WIFE LOCKED YOU OUT OF THE ROOM WHEN YOU CAME HOME AT 2AM- WAS THAT PRETTY L;ITTLE MEXICAN GIRL YOU WERE WITH A PATIENT- I NOTICED SHE WORKED FOR THE HOTEL- IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN SHE CAME IN TO TIDY UP AND TURN THE BEDS DOWN AROUND 10;OO O'CLOCK-I MUST GIVE DR L SOME CREDIT BUT HE DID NOT RETURN THE SLIGHT VERBALLY - HE JUST FLICKED HIS WRIST AND SHOT A FRESHLY MADE MARTINI IN THE DIRECTION OF DR B's FACE- WHEN THE MARTINI LANDED- ALMOST IMMEDIATELY- DR B PUSHED DR L IN THE POOL- THAT SEEMED TO GIVE DR K THE OPPURTUNITY HE HAD BEEN WAITING FOR- HE SHOVED DR HOOPALOWSKI IN THE POOL-A HARD SHOVE IT WAS-AND THEN A GENERAL MELEE ENSUED- THANK GOODNESS THAT WAS WHEN MOM'S GUEST ARRIVED- IT WAS JULIUS ERVING OF BASKETBALL FAME- BETTER KNOWN AS DR J -MOM INSISTED SHE HAD FOLLOWED THE GUIDELINES AND NO ONE OBJECTED- HE STOOD THERE AT THE EDGE OF THE POOL WITH A WRY GRIN OBSERVING THE OTHER DOCTORS- AS THEY WERE ALL BASKETBALL FANS HIS PRESCENCE SEEMED TO SHOCK THEM INTO SOME RECOGNITION OF WHAT THEY WERE DOING- I HANDED DR J A BEER AND THANKED HIM FOR COMING-THE HEAVY BOOZE CONSUMPTION WAS OBVIOUSLY A MISTAKE BUT THE DRINKS DID TIRE EVERYONE OUT AND SO ONE BY ONE THEY SAUNTERED OFF TO THEIR ROOMS- EXCEPT FOR DR HOOPALOWSKI WHO PASSED OUT ON A CHAISE LOUNGE-BY SATURDAY WE HAD TO SEPARATE THEM ALL- FINDING A VARIETY OF THINGS TO DO-DR B WANTED TO PLAY GOLF-FIRST TIME APPARENTLY- DR L WANTED TO GO FISHING-AND DR K WANTED TO GO SHOPPING- OSTENSIBLY FOR MORE REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS BUT NO ONE MENTIONED IT- DR HOOPLALOWSKI ANNOUNCED THAT SHE WAS GOING TO REMAIN POOLSIDE AND DRINK- IN FACT SHE WAS MAKING HERSELF A BLOODY MARY WHEN SHE ANNOUNCED THIS- WE DECIDED AS A FAMILY THAT EACH OF US WOULD ACCOMPANY THE DOCTOR WE HAD INVITED OUT FOR THE WEEKEND- AS THEY WERE OUR GUESTS WE FELT THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY TO GO ABOUT IT- DR J WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH SO MOM WAS VERY HAPPY- SHE LIKES THE BEACH TOO AND SHE WANTED TO SHOW HIM OFF TO HER BEST FRIEND EDNA THORNTON-EDNA HAD BROUGHT BILL RUSSELL THE WEEK BEFORE AND IT CAUSED QUITE A STIR- EDNA SUGGESTED A PICK UP GAME BUT BILL WASN'T INTERESTED SO THERE WAS NO INVITATION THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND-YOU MAY BE WONDERING ABOUT DR LOUIS BRAUN-AMY'S GUEST FOR THE WEEKEND-ALL THE OTHER DOCTORS FOUND HIM TO BE A VERY CONVIVIAL FELLOW- ESPECIALLY DRS B AND L,BUT THEY THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE DEPRESSED SO THEY SLIPPED HIM TWO TABLETS OF A VERY POWERFUL ANTI-PSYCHOTIC DRUG THAT WAS AT THAT TIME BEING TESTED BY THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION-THEY TOOK THE OPPURTUNITY OF PUTTING THE TABLETS IN THE COCA-COLA THAT DR BRAUN DRANK ON THE STOP ALONG THE LONG ISLAND EXPRESSWAY-THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED IT WOULD DO NO HARM AND POSSIBLY HELP HIM-THE RESULT WAS SOMEWHAT DISTURBING AS IT APPEARED THAT HE COULD NOT SPEAK AT ALL 5 MINUTES AFTER FINISHING THE COKE-DR B BLAMED DR L AND DR L BLAMED DR B-BUT THEY AGREED NOT TO MENTION IT EVER AGAIN IN THEIR MUTUAL INTEREST-DR BRAUN?-HE SPENT THE REST OF THE WEEKEND IN A MILD ANTI-PSYCHOTIC STUPOR-HE COULD AND DID NOD HIS ASSENT TO OFFERS OF FOOD ETC AND HE WOULD SHAKE HIS HEAD NO FOR OFFERS HE WANTED TO DECLINE-BUT HE DID BOTH VERY. VERY SLOWLY -ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY-THE ENTIRE WEEKEND -AND WITH THE SAME VACANT LOOK IN HIS EYES-AMY WAS VERY BUSY WITH DR BRAUN-BUSY WATCHING HIM THAT IS-SHE WAS FASCINATED AT FIRST BUT IT BECAME BORING FOR HER- SHE TRIED TO INTEREST THE REST OF US IN HIS AND HER PREDICAMENT BUT THE REST OF US WERE NOT INTERESTED-LOUISE HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT IT' AT LEAST HE IS QUIET-NOT BOTHERING ANYONE'-AND WE ALL HAD TO AGREE-HE DID DRINK TWO MARTINIS BUT THEY HAD VIRTUALLY NO DISCERNIBLE EFFECT ON HIS BEHAVIOR-THERE WAS THE SAME VACANT LOOK IN HIS EYES BUT A HINT OF A SMILE APPEARED AFTER THE SECOND MARTINI-WE WERE TOLD LATER THAT HE FIRED 6 FACULTY MEMBERS AT THE SCHOOL SHORTLY AFTER HE RETURNED FROM THE WEEKEND-6 FACULTY MEMBERS AND THE SCHOOL NURSE-WHO IMMEDIATELY TOOK UP RESIDENCE IN DR BRAUN'S APARTMENT AND REMAINED THERE FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS OF HIS LIFE-NO ONE EVER MENTIONED THIS TO HIS FACE BUT THERE WAS TALK AROUND TOWN AND IN THE FACULTY CAFETERIA- BY SATURDAY NIGHT EVERYONE HAD RETURNED FROM THEIR VARIOUS ACTIVITIES AND WE HAD A QUIET DINNER AT A NEARBY RESTAURANT- THE CONVERSATION RAN ALONG THE LINES OF WHAT WAS THE BEST AND FASTEST WAY TO GET HOME THE NEXT MORNING- THE EVENING ENEDED WITHOUT INCIDENT BUT THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE LIMOUSINE ARRVIVED AN IMBROGLIO ENSUED THAT IS STILL TALKED ABOUT TODAY ON THE UPPER EASTSIDE OF MANHATTAN-IT SEEMS THAT DR HOOPALOWSKI HAD DECIDED TO DRIVE-THE CHAUFERS OBJECTIONS WERE IGNORED AND SHE REFUSED TO GET OUT OF THE DRIVERS SEAT- YOU SEE THE CHAUFER HAD ASKED TO USE ONE OF OUR RESTROOMS AND SHE SEIZED THE OPPURTUNITY TO GET IN THE CAR- GRAB THE STEERING WHEEL AND START THE CAR- SHE FLOORED THE ACCELERATOR AND WITH A HIGH, SHRILL LAUGH STARTED TO DRIVE IN CIRCLES AROUND THE DRIVEWAY-DAD TRIED TO CALM HER DOWN TO NO AVAIL AND WHEN SHE DROVE OFF WE WERE FORCED TO REPORT THE STOLEN VEHICLE-THE OTHER DOCTORS TOOK THIS PRETTY WELL AND ALL SAID THEY PREFERRED TO FIND THEIR OWN WAY HOME- TO JUST DROP THEM OFF AT THE RR STATION AND THAT IS WHAT WE DID-NO FURTHER TRIPS OF THIS KIND WERE EVER MENTIONED AND THIS WEEKEND WAS A FORBIDDEN SUBJECT FOR MANY YEARS- WE FOUND OUT THAT DR HOOPALOWSKI DID MANAGE TO GET HOME AND THAT SHE HAD TALKED THE LIMOUSINE COMPANY OUT OF PRESSING CHARGES- I THINK SHE AGREED TO FREE TREATMENT FOR THE OWNER'S WIFE- FOR A BOUT 5 YEARS-THE END OF THE STORY IS NOT REALLY REMARKABLE IN ANY WAY-THE DOCTORS INVOLVED HAVE NEVER COMMENTED ON THE EVENTS OF THAT WEEKEND AND THEY PROBABLY NEVER WILL- BUT ONE THING IS ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN- AND THAT IS THAT WEEKEND VISITORS ARE ALMOST ALWAYS APPRECIATED MORE WHEN THEY LEAVE THEN WHEN THEY ARRIVE AND THIS EXPERIENCE WAS NO EXCEPTION.